Partner Tantra: Exercises to Try Together for Deeper Connection

In our fast-paced modern world, many couples find themselves living parallel lives—physically close but emotionally distant. The ancient practice of tantra offers a powerful antidote to this disconnection, providing couples with practical tools to deepen intimacy, enhance communication, and cultivate a profound sense of connection that extends far beyond the bedroom.

Contrary to popular Western misconceptions, authentic tantra is not primarily about sexual techniques. Rather, it’s a comprehensive spiritual path that recognizes the sacred potential in all aspects of life—including intimate relationships. The word “tantra” itself comes from Sanskrit, meaning “to weave” or “to expand,” reflecting how these practices weave together various aspects of ourselves and expand our capacity for connection.

This guide offers accessible tantric exercises specifically designed for partners seeking to deepen their connection. Whether you’re new to tantra or looking to enhance your existing practice, these exercises provide a foundation for transformative intimacy.

Understanding the Essence of Partner Tantra

Before diving into specific exercises, it’s helpful to understand some core principles that underlie tantric practice for couples:

1. Presence Over Performance

Tantra emphasizes being fully present with your partner rather than focusing on achieving specific goals or outcomes. This shift from performance to presence creates space for authentic connection to emerge.

2. Energy Exchange

Tantric philosophy views intimate relationships as opportunities for energy exchange and mutual transformation. Partners can learn to sense, direct, and harmonize their energies for deeper connection.

3. Sacred Space

Creating intentional, sacred space for practice helps separate tantric experiences from everyday interactions, allowing both partners to fully immerse in the experience.

4. Integration of Body, Heart, and Spirit

Unlike approaches that focus solely on physical pleasure, tantra integrates physical sensations with emotional intimacy and spiritual awareness.

Creating the Foundation: Preparation Practices

These preliminary exercises help create the conditions for deeper tantric connection.

Sacred Space Creation Ritual

Purpose: To mark the transition from everyday life to sacred practice time.

How to practice:

1. Choose a comfortable, private space where you won’t be disturbed
2. Together, clean and prepare the space (removing clutter, adjusting lighting)
3. Add elements that engage the senses: soft fabrics, candles, incense, flowers, or meaningful objects
4. Sit facing each other and take three deep breaths together
5. Each partner states an intention for the practice session
6. Seal the ritual with a gesture (such as holding hands or a gentle bow)

Benefits: This ritual helps both partners mentally and emotionally transition into practice mode, leaving behind distractions and creating a container for intimate connection.

Synchronized Breathing

Purpose: To harmonize your energy and create a foundation for deeper connection.

How to practice:

1. Sit comfortably facing each other, either cross-legged or in chairs
2. Establish gentle eye contact
3. Place your right hand on your partner’s heart, and your left hand over their hand on your heart
4. Begin to notice your natural breathing patterns without trying to change them
5. Gradually synchronize your breath, inhaling and exhaling together
6. Continue for 3-5 minutes
7. Optionally, progress to alternate breathing (you inhale as your partner exhales)

Benefits: Research published in the Journal of Personal Relationships shows that synchronizing breath can align partners’ heart rates and nervous system responses, creating a physiological foundation for deeper connection.

Core Partner Tantra Exercises

These exercises build upon the foundation practices to create deeper intimacy and connection.

1. Heart-Gazing Meditation

Purpose: To cultivate deep presence and emotional intimacy.

How to practice:

1. Sit comfortably facing each other, knees nearly touching
2. Establish soft eye contact, focusing particularly on your partner’s left eye (connected to the right brain/emotional center)
3. Rest your hands on your own heart or in your lap
4. Breathe deeply and synchronize your breath if it feels natural
5. Silently repeat: “I see you” as you gaze at your partner
6. If emotions arise, simply notice them without judgment
7. Continue for 5-10 minutes
8. Close by placing your hands on each other’s hearts and sharing a moment of gratitude

Benefits: This practice bypasses verbal communication to create a direct heart-to-heart connection. Many couples report experiencing a profound sense of being truly “seen” by their partner, often for the first time in years.

According to tantric teacher Diana Richardson, “Eye gazing is one of the most direct routes to authentic intimacy, as it requires nothing but presence and bypasses our usual social masks.”

2. Tantric Touch Exploration

Purpose: To develop mindful touch and heightened sensory awareness.

How to practice:

1. Decide who will be the giver and receiver first (you’ll switch roles afterward)
2. The receiver lies comfortably on their back, fully clothed
3. The giver sits beside them and takes three deep breaths to center
4. The giver places their hands just above the receiver’s body, sensing their energy without physical touch
5. Slowly begin to touch the receiver’s body with full presence, exploring different types of touch:
   • Feather-light touches with fingertips
   • Firm, grounding pressure with the palm
   • Gentle tracing of energy pathways
6. The receiver focuses on fully receiving the touch without needing to reciprocate
7. Practice for 10-15 minutes, then switch roles
8. Afterward, share your experiences verbally

Benefits: This exercise helps couples develop a vocabulary of touch beyond habitual patterns, while practicing giving and receiving without agenda. The practice builds trust and teaches partners to be present with sensations.

3. Soul-Breathing Connection

Purpose: To experience energy exchange and spiritual connection.

How to practice:

1. Sit facing each other in a comfortable position
2. Place your right hand on your partner’s heart and left hand on their lower abdomen
3. Establish eye contact and synchronize your breathing
4. As you inhale, visualize drawing in golden light through the crown of your head
5. As you exhale, visualize sending this light through your hands into your partner
6. Your partner simultaneously practices the same visualization
7. Continue for 5-10 minutes, imagining a continuous circuit of energy flowing between you
8. Close by placing your hands in prayer position at your hearts and bowing to each other

Benefits: This practice helps couples experience the subtle energy exchange that tantric philosophy emphasizes. Many partners report feeling a tangible warmth or tingling sensation during this exercise, along with a deep sense of connection beyond the physical.

4. Tantric Honoring Ritual

Purpose: To cultivate deep appreciation and reverence for your partner.

How to practice:

1. Decide who will be honored first
2. The honoring partner creates a comfortable space for their partner to sit or recline
3. Standing or kneeling before them, the honoring partner looks into their eyes and silently appreciates their being
4. The honoring partner then expresses their appreciation verbally, using the format:
   • “I honor you for…” (naming qualities they admire)
   • “I appreciate how you…” (naming actions that have impacted them)
   • “I see your essence as…” (describing their partner’s core nature)
5. The receiving partner simply receives without needing to respond
6. After the verbal honoring, the honoring partner may offer a gesture of reverence (such as kissing their partner’s hands or feet)
7. Switch roles and repeat

Benefits: This ritual helps partners move beyond habitual ways of seeing each other to recognize the divine essence within. It cultivates gratitude and helps dissolve resentments or negative patterns.

Advanced Partner Tantra Practices

Once you’ve established comfort with the foundational exercises, these more advanced practices can further deepen your connection.

1. Yab-Yum Position Meditation

Purpose: To experience the balance of masculine and feminine energies.

How to practice:

1. The partner embodying masculine energy sits cross-legged
2. The partner embodying feminine energy sits on their partner’s lap, wrapping their legs around their partner’s waist
3. Embrace each other, with the feminine partner’s arms around the masculine partner’s neck, and the masculine partner’s arms around the feminine partner’s waist
4. Align your spines and gently press your hearts together
5. Synchronize your breathing, with the option to practice “circular breathing” where you inhale as your partner exhales
6. Continue for 10-15 minutes, focusing on the energy exchange between your bodies
7. Close with a moment of gratitude

Note: The masculine/feminine designation is energetic, not gender-based. Partners can choose which energy they wish to embody, and can switch roles in subsequent practices.

Benefits: This position creates a powerful energy circuit between partners and balances masculine and feminine polarities, regardless of the gender of the participants. Many couples report feeling a profound sense of wholeness in this position.

2. Conscious Communication Practice

Purpose: To develop deep listening and authentic expression.

How to practice:

1. Sit facing each other in a comfortable position
2. Place an object (like a small stone) between you to serve as a “talking piece”
3. The partner holding the talking piece speaks authentically for 3-5 minutes on the prompt: “What I truly desire in our connection is…”
4. The listening partner maintains eye contact and full presence, without planning their response
5. After the speaking partner finishes, the listening partner reflects back what they heard before taking the talking piece
6. Switch roles and repeat
7. Close by holding hands and acknowledging each other’s vulnerability

Benefits: This practice develops the communication skills essential for tantric connection. By separating speaking and listening, partners learn to express themselves authentically and listen without defensiveness.

3. Energy Orgasm Practice

Purpose: To experience pleasure and energetic release beyond physical stimulation.

How to practice:

1. The receiving partner lies comfortably on their back, fully clothed
2. The giving partner sits beside them
3. Both partners practice deep, connected breathing
4. The giving partner hovers their hands 3-6 inches above the receiving partner’s body, starting at the feet and slowly moving upward
5. The giving partner visualizes sending energy through their hands
6. The receiving partner focuses on sensations arising in their body
7. As the giving partner’s hands move up the body, they can use more dynamic movements to “stir” the energy
8. When reaching the heart and upper body, the movements become gentler
9. Continue for 15-20 minutes
10. The receiving partner may experience waves of pleasure or energetic release
11. Close with gentle physical contact and sharing of the experience
12. Switch roles if desired

Benefits: This advanced practice helps couples experience how pleasure can move beyond genital focus to become a full-body, energetic experience. It often leads to profound states of release and connection without physical stimulation.

Integrating Tantra into Daily Life

While dedicated practice sessions are valuable, the true power of tantra emerges when its principles infuse your daily relationship.

Micro-Practices for Everyday Connection

These brief practices can be integrated into your daily routine:

1. Morning Connection Ritual: Before getting out of bed, take 30 seconds to synchronize your breath and make eye contact
2. Conscious Greeting and Farewell: When reuniting after separation, pause for a full embrace and eye contact before speaking
3. Gratitude Touch: Establish a specific form of touch (such as three gentle squeezes of the hand) that silently communicates gratitude
4. Presence Pause: Before meals, take three conscious breaths together to transition into present moment awareness
5. Energy Check-in: Place hands on each other’s hearts for 30 seconds before important conversations

Creating a Sustainable Practice

To make tantra a sustainable part of your relationship:

1. Start small: Begin with 10-15 minute practices rather than attempting hour-long sessions
2. Schedule regular practice: Set aside specific times for practice to ensure it doesn’t get lost in busy schedules
3. Create accountability: Discuss your intentions for practice and gently hold each other accountable
4. Adapt to energy levels: Have different practices available for high-energy and low-energy days
5. Celebrate small shifts: Notice and acknowledge subtle improvements in your connection

Common Challenges and Solutions

Challenge: Feeling Self-Conscious

Solution: Begin with shorter practices and remember that some initial awkwardness is normal. Focus on your own experience rather than worrying about “doing it right.”

Challenge: Uneven Interest Levels

Solution: The more enthusiastic partner should avoid pressuring the reluctant partner. Start with practices that feel accessible to both, and focus on benefits that resonate with the hesitant partner, such as stress reduction or improved communication.

Challenge: Giggles and Discomfort

Solution: Laughter is a natural release of nervous energy. Allow it to flow without judgment, then gently return to the practice. With time, the nervous laughter typically transforms into genuine joy.

Challenge: Past Relationship Wounds Surfacing

Solution: Tantric practice can bring unresolved emotions to the surface. Create agreements about how to handle these moments, perhaps by taking a break from practice to process feelings or seeking support from a relationship coach or therapist.

The Science Behind the Connection

While tantric practices emerge from ancient wisdom traditions, modern science offers insight into why these techniques are effective:

1. Neurochemical bonding: Eye gazing and synchronized breathing trigger the release of oxytocin, often called the “bonding hormone,” which promotes trust and connection.
2. Nervous system regulation: Tantric breathing practices help activate the parasympathetic nervous system, counteracting stress and creating the relaxed state necessary for deep connection.
3. Mindfulness benefits: The present-moment awareness cultivated in tantra has been extensively studied, with research showing benefits for relationship satisfaction, stress reduction, and emotional regulation.
4. Interpersonal neurobiology: Research by Dr. Dan Siegel and others suggests that attuned connection with another person can actually reshape neural pathways, promoting emotional health and resilience.

Conclusion: The Journey of Partner Tantra

The tantric path for couples is not about reaching a destination but rather about the ongoing journey of deepening connection. Each practice creates an opportunity to know yourself and your partner more fully, to dissolve the barriers to intimacy, and to experience the profound joy that comes from authentic connection.

As tantric teacher Sally Kempton notes, “The essence of tantric relationship is recognizing that your partner is both human and divine—and relating to them from that perspective.”

By approaching these practices with curiosity, patience, and an open heart, you and your partner can discover new dimensions of intimacy, presence, and connection that transform not only your relationship but your experience of life itself.

Have you and your partner explored tantric practices together? What has been your experience? Share your insights in the comments below (keeping it respectful and educational).